I am a chronic oversharer. There should be a support group for this.
Hi, I’m Gail and I tell everyone all the things of my life without actually think about about the ramifications of these actions.
Everyone would call back, “hi Gail” and we would share coffee and stale cookies and collect our coins for how many months we went without oversharing. It would be good for awhile. But then we’d all explode from all the stuff we wanted to share but didn’t because we, well we’re oversharers.
At least once a day I quickly retract something I’ve written out. When there are birds chirping around posts I’ve made, I quickly decide that no one has responded because they think I am one of many things. Whiny, pathetic, stupid or annoying. Or a combination of all those things. I am sure there is a room of people that I know, sitting around going, “oh my gawd she posted THAT on her Facebook. Is she crazy?” I worry that if I’ve complained or voiced sadness about something, someone will come at me with a “grass is greener” post or let me know how lucky I am (ie shut up and stop complaining only nicer). I delete. I delete a lot.
And I realize how crazy this sounds. Because not only am I am oversharer, I am also anxious.
For example, a friend offered up some clothing for my daughter. I am never, ever one to turn down hand me down and so I happily drove over to pick them up. She has children my children’s age, obviously and so I said something about my daughter having no chance of playing on the varsity team this year. Not because I don’t think she could but because she still has things to learn and well, the varsity team is pretty well set. I however, the entire way home, thought about how terrible of a mother I must of sounded like… and couldn’t get home fast enough to type out an explanations of what I really meant and that I hoped I didn’t sound like anything but my daughter’s biggest fan (Devlynn’s number 1!!!) She’d thought nothing of it… I just crazily overshared a thought I was having and then let anxiety make me a crazy person all the way home!
I cannot be the only one who does these things? Overshare? Overthink?
But all this leads me to wonder, why do some of us share? And some of us don’t?
I always wanted to have a blog so that maybe someone like me, the younger me, could stumble on it and find another mom, trying her best but with issues like her own. I searched these women out in my twenties and they were few and far between. All I saw were girls who were their spouses biggest cheerleaders, while I struggled to find my place as a wife. And mother’s content with hours of play doh and parks when I just wanted a moment that was Gail and not whom ever’s mom. I saw people so comfortable in their faith that I was sure Jesus was coming to dinner at their house that very night where I still had questions about my faith and often wonder, if I was one of the forgot children. I wanted to find someone like me. There never was. This though, this had created this deep down need to share just how broken and how just raw I am. And maybe some other mother out there, would know, would read, she wasn’t alone. There were other bad wives, bad mothers and bad christians.
Through the years I’ve prayed for the bravery to do all this oversharing without the great delete. I’m the queen of delete. But it’s hard. It’s hard to say what you feel, unedited and not worry about the judge.
I do hope though, that someone stumbles here one day and knows, she’s not alone. And that I want to be part of her village….