Yep, I’d call that passive judgement

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Dexter, Dixon and I spend a lot of time at Target. I can get milk there and then walk over to AC Moore should I need craft supplies. Which I often do. Dexter loves to look at toys and has even gotten to the point where he’s just happy to look and can walk away without actually taking anything home. It’s nice because we do it together. It’s our routine. It helps me leave the comfort of my house. It’s just a little “something”.

Recently, I’ve replaced Target with walking at various parks. One of the parks we really like happens to be by another Target. He sees it every time. Today, knowing I needed lightbulbs we popped in. Maybe not my best idea. The walk was longer than the little boys could take, there was no animals to be seen and a hill that made me want to cry. But if we plan on peeing tonight with some help from light other than what comes from the moon, I needed to stop.

Honestly, they were good through the store. Stopping to look at fitness bands, they both chattered away with each other and did fine until I did circles trying to find lunch meat for lunch. It’s laid out different than our Target and I was confused. It also maybe for a few minutes too long. For everyone.

As we walked up to the register, Dixon caught an eye of the snacks. I grabbed a box of Goldfish hoping to avoid him seeing the “pops” but was not so lucky and that’s when the screaming began. He was mad. Like really, really, really mad that he couldn’t have that pop and I was hungry and we were all done and of course the woman in front of us was using coupons (which is fine, but I just wasn’t prepared). I just turned around and waited for his fit to be over trying to reassure my one year old that he could have fish but a pop wasn’t happening at 10:30am. And then the checker looked at the baby girl in the cart in front of us, with a big, joyful smile, “aren’t you being so good. Not everyone knows how to behave in the store like you do sweet girl!”

Shut the front door.

The mother of said baby tried to sugar coat the literally poop that came out of the checkers mouth and I *THINK* make me feel better by saying, “well my older son acts just like that at the store! I get it. That’s why he’s home. He can’t. Boys.”

Are you kidding me? Are you seriously kidding me right now.

Then I was fuming. I stopped trying to calm anyone down, starred that checker in the eyes and didn’t say a word.

Bitch, you just judged the wrong mom.

There is this article  floating around, No One Is Judging You, Mama. I call bullshit (although well intended). Comments like the one above aren’t helpful. They’re not a doctor making sure my kid is okay. It’s nasty, full of nasty. Like nasty to the brim. It’s never okay. It’s never okay to make someone feel bad. I just don’t get why people don’t think before they speak. You just never know.

The article says:

Perspective is everything.

How should I have put that in perspective? Why do I have to?

Stop making comments to people; your good intentions may come at the absolute worst time. How about instead of interjecting with your fabulous, wonderful advice… how about you talk to screaming baby to try and help get the family through the line. How about we stop telling everyone boys are bad? How about we act like a fucking village instead of a bunch of advice swinging swordsmen.

I am sick of it.

That checker had no idea that my kid was hungry. She didn’t know that I’m battling what seems like a never waning thunder cloud and her comment just fueled my anxiety monster. I can’t have perspective right now because let’s be honest here, it’s an effing miracle I am staying afloat. Comments like that, passive and spiteful aren’t ever okay and that woman was judging us. I needed her to be in my village. Instead I am learning I’m in a village of jerks.

Maybe I should start sporting a tee shirt that reads, “I’m mental and my kids are ill behaved”. I think that would either make everyone laugh OR gasp but I am pretty sure they’d not comment for fear I was an insane person, which I very well might be.

My point though, is stop. Just stop. If it’s not kind and it won’t build someone up, just shut up.

 

Hi! I’m Gail, the voice behind Mimicking Motherhood. I started blogging after the birth of my 2nd child as a way to connect with far away family. Things have definitely changed since then. Now, mama to five, this is a place to help connect with other mothers, who feel like me.I love to make and write all while trying to figure out how to be myself in the world of anxiety and depression. Glad you stopped by.

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