Life, life, life

The fall always seems to fly by in my world. If I am shooting, my weekends are filled with football, sometimes baseball, likely some lacrosse and often with mini sessions and holiday photos. I shoot into November most years. I don’t get a lot of “days off” anyway but the fall means almost none and this year’s been the busiest ever. We’d made the decision to put the biggest boys in both baseball and football this fall. Felt like it would be easier to swing being that one boy plays for school and that meant no weekend games.

We were utterly wrong and the season handed us our asses not so gently. Between weekday practices and weekend games, I’d easily spent 20 hours a weekend in my car and I think half our paycheck went directly to Wawa. I was done, I am done. And it’s not even halfway through November. My house is in a state of disarray. I can’t get caught up on laundry and my hopes of another handmade holiday are all but dashed. I dislike the holiday season and Target vomiting Christmas at me already, makes me want to cry. I’m not ready; I am not ready Target.

img_6755

Between weekday practices and weekend games, I’d easily spent 20 hours a weekend in my car and I think half our paycheck went directly to Wawa. I was done, I am done. And it’s not even halfway through November. My house is in a state of disarray. I can’t get caught up on laundry and my hopes of another handmade holiday are all but dashed. I dislike the holiday season and Target vomiting Christmas at me already, makes me want to cry. I’m not ready; I am not ready Target. I’m barely through Halloween and damn it, I’d like some Turkey before I am inundated with the hustle and rush of the holiday.

The minority I realize but the joys of Christmas isn’t there for me. It just seems to miss the mark. Oh, the joys of the half empty brain.

Today is election day. It’s been a tumultuous election at best and I’ve done well to stay out of most of the conversation. I get heated up about things that are hot-button items but I know in my logical head that no amount of Facebook debating will likely change another person mind. I know, despite reading both sides on a lot of these items, my opinion rarely wavers.  I keep wishing the election is over. That we can go back to the flat, fakeness of politic-free Facebook but I fear the outcome, either him or her, will start some horrible war and with is we’ll all just lose our minds and self-implode. It’s unfortunate how ugly these things make people. But I wonder if maybe some of us are just really good at hiding our ugly. Makes my heart heavy.

My heart is very heavy.

I don’t know what to do with this blog. All the blogs no of days are top tens and recipes, crafts. I am at the junction of “what is the point” and “waste of space”. That doubt monster tells me I’m not really writing anything and I don’t know how to migrate to the world of monetizing. I am so stuck in the “perfect” that I can’t even start. I can’t get out of  this circle of trying to figure out who I am. It’s like I am a dog chasing his tail. I’m just in a constant state of dizzy and going nowhere. I don’t even know why I wrote that.

Life, life life. It’s all just life.

 

 

Hi! I’m Gail, the voice behind Mimicking Motherhood. I started blogging after the birth of my 2nd child as a way to connect with far away family. Things have definitely changed since then. Now, mama to five, this is a place to help connect with other mothers, who feel like me.I love to make and write all while trying to figure out how to be myself in the world of anxiety and depression. Glad you stopped by.

One thought on “Life, life, life

  1. I think you do what you can do and this blog it’s about you and your words who cares what anybody else has I enjoy reading your words. When I pulled up your blog post I was thinking to myself mimicking motherhood aren’t we all just doing that. So keep writing keep sharing and know that it is needed and I get it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *