I don’t really know how the weight crept up on me. I mixture of anxiety and children I guess but in the “before” shot, I was over 200 pounds. And I knew it and I hated it but it seemed like nothing I did seemed to help and I just kept eating and sitting and doing nothing to change myself. Even though I felt mentally and physically gross. Working out was here and there. I ran for a while; before that, I was dedicated to the gym but because I didn’t change what I was eating, it didn’t help. I quit when I didn’t lose and didn’t look back when I got pregnant with my fourth child.
This last year was different though. I will confess that my weight loss initially started because of stress. There were weeks that I didn’t eat, literally. I lived on coffee and through the osmosis of my children’s energy. But it started to come off, albeit the wrong way, but it did. When the fear set in though, I decided I needed to be strong. And when I realize the endorphins curbed the anxiety, I added a ton of cardio. Eventually, as the gym got busier, and I got braver and need more and started a few classes. One because a dear friend taught it and others because I knew they’d help get the angry out. And with that, I felt less angry, less sad, less scared and very strong; both mentally and physically. I was, I am no longer afraid.
What I learned from that act of exercise is that it made me feel better mentally and physically but mostly mentally. I have a devote fondness for my Pound Fitness class. My friend Mary was the ONLY reason I tried it. I didn’t do classes at that point and was afraid of embarrassing myself in a group fitness setting. But I love her and I am SO proud of her journey. I wanted to support her and the best was I could was by going to her class. I loved it. From class one. Hitting things with sticks? Well, it’s better than some of the other stuff I wanted to do. It’s also better than yelling or being upset all the time about things I have no control over. Hitting things with sticks has helped me begin to let go. And as the one year of that devastation approaching, I am fully confident all this will be a distant memory and truly the biggest learning experience of my life.
With the new year, the gym is packed. It’s so funny to be one of the “regulars” versus the people who resolve to get fit then drop off the gym surface after a few weeks. I was a little stabby last week when one of my favorite classes was packed to the gills but quickly realized it’s awesome. It’s great that there will be some people in that class who are going to change their lives. Just like I changed mine.