Today was a series of unfortunate events. We have a good life. I can’t complain but sometimes it’s like this ripple effect. The ripple of rotten. Starts with something as simple as a 4am wake up and turns into a crap storm of just, what the ___! Today felt like one of those days. And there wasn’t even that much going on.
My reality is that of a woman who has not slept through the night in 16 years. You think I am joking but I am not. I’m not even exaggerating that much. Devlynn born into this world as the worst sleeper known to man, just set the caliber for who could torture me the most. By the time Dixon was born I realized there was no hope of sleeping till he was close to five. Even Dexter still night wakes. I’m tired. And most mornings one or both babies are up at the very latest, 6:00am and I try to beat them up so I have an hour to myself. Lately it’s not been working because much like this morning, a tiny voice wakes me and anyone else in the room. Up at 4:00am. Wide awake. And they are little enough that they still need me to get all the things. And most of the time it’s before I’ve brewed the coffee. I need to invest in one that auto brews but truth be known, I am not sure I could every begin to guess what time to set it.
Now, I’m not complaining. I signed up for this. They’re mine even when they’re obsessively repeating, “milk please”. But I am still tired. Very tired. And tired sets a tone for a day no matter how you try to avoid it.
So tired mom sits down to work a little but no work gets completed because milk cups need filled and the wooden train calls and when friends are over we make pancakes. And then I yelled at poor Dexter over hot oil and bacon and the big boys tried to save him. And Kevin’s phone wouldn’t back up and wouldn’t charge and all I wanted to do was shower, work and run and errand before he went to work but it all went to hell in a handbasket and now, I sit here wondering at the same time how the day could of gone by so slowly and yet wondering how it’s 9:00pm.
It was one of those days.
It feels a lot like groundhogs days. Days for which I am grateful and sometimes pray would slow down but ground hogs day indeed. And with each repeat of the milk cup I wonder if I will ever stop being tired.
Will I ever get enough sleep?
Of course I don’t mean that literally but I can’t even explain what I really mean.
Each morning I try and start my day with the good. I try and take the time to nurse my baby as long as he needs and then tuck him back into our warm bed to dream of the things baby’s dream of. I remember every morning to look my little ones in the face as they sleep and wish each one a good morning. It’s the time of the day I hear about Devlynn’s school and what they’re excited about but often, by the time it’s time to go, I’m a crazy mom, upset we’re late or that I can’t find shoes or whatever. And it’s because I am just so tired…
I have to figure out a way to break the cycle.
I am taking this week to think about ways to change the days. To make them less tired.
This week will all be sunny. I am gonna try and take a moment to write every day about something that brings me joy. The more joy, the less tired. Right? So here goes, 7 sunny days. Wanna join me?